Scientia, meaning knowledge, give the feeling of sitting in an old library, surrounded by books and an open fire. Often when looking for answers, we want the quick fix, but just like books, that are full of resources if we were to look for them, what resources could we find and use that are all around us?
Scientia, meaning knowledge, is often only thought of in an educational or work context. However, knowledge isn’t something that we only gain from reading or being taught. Experiences, for example, can inform us so that we can make the same or different decisions in the future if we do the same thing again. Gaining understanding and insights is also a way of improving our knowledge. How can this help in our everyday lives or when we might experience a problem?
Often, I see people and they will say things like, “I don’t know what to do”, or, “I don’t ‘understand how I got into this position”. It is as if they are paralysed, unable to think clearly and without comprehension. In reality, they aren’t paralysed at all but the position they find themselves in is so confusing or unexpected that they feel unable to make sense of it.
I was gifted a wonderful book called The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackery. In it, it has short but inciteful messages and phrases that are alternately thought provoking and hilarious. One of my favourites is, “What do you think is the biggest waste of time?” “Comparing yourself to others,” said the mole. “I wonder if there is a school of unlearning?”, asks the boy.
Wouldn’t that be fantastic? To unlearn certain behaviours that are seemingly ingrained in us for as long as we can remember? I had a client a few years ago, who came to me complaining that she felt overwhelmed by all the things she had to do. She had a busy job, children and was tired of doing all the things herself. Her husband had been made redundant and she didn’t want to put extra pressure on him. I asked her to bring up a memory in her head of when she was doing these things. I asked her what was happening, what she was doing, how fast was she moving, the expression on her face etc. She could describe it in the most wonderful detail. Then I asked her, “if one of your friends was behaving in the same way, what would you say to them?” She looked at me with a surprised expression on her face and she said “I’d ask them to stop. She can’t keep going like that”. Then she looked confused as she realised that the exact same thing applied to her. “Ohhhhh” she said.
Then I asked her what she might do instead, and she gave a couple of options such as prioritising and ditching things she had done out of habit but didn’t really need to be done. She started to say she would ask for help but quickly dismissed it and I asked her why she had done that. “Oh, I can’t possibly ask them for help, that would be imposing”. So, I asked her to view it from a different perspective. “How do you feel when someone asks you for help?”
“Well, I’m flattered and pleased that they trust me and it gives me a feel-good feeling to help them out”. Again, she made the little ‘ohhhh’ shape with her lips and burst into laughter. “I’m not helping myself, am I?” I explained that there is no judgement in these sessions, just an opportunity to point the sub conscious in a different direction to gain a different outcome.
Weeks later we touched base (she only needed the one session); her face was much more relaxed and she was smiling. “You know?” she said, “I didn’t realise it could be so simple. I hardly recognise myself. I don’t push myself to do everything; I’ve asked friends and family for help, and they have; I spoke to my husband and he is doing more to help while he actively searches for a job. Thank you so much!”
Taking ourselves out of our minds even for a few moments, imagining we see ourselves (or someone else experiencing the same problem) from a distance, can be so helpful. It’s another way of gaining insights or knowledge that we can start using right away.