Simulatio, meaning pretence, is named because the perfume itself is a copy of another famous perfume. Thus, it is pretending to be something it is not. In life we can adopt the same approach when needed, such as finding the courage or confidence to do something that takes us out of our comfort zone.
Simulatio, meaning pretence, is apt as the fragrance itself is a dupe of another famous perfume. Just like the fragrance, we are also capable of being something we are not. Some people refer to it as stepping out of themselves or imagining themselves wearing a different coat and there are many situations that come to mind when it might be useful to do this. Perhaps we are sad or a little lost after losing loved ones or some other traumatic event and we want to show we are coping in front of friends and work colleagues. Perhaps, we want to improve our confidence for meeting new people, doing new things that take us outside of our comfort zone or simply because we want to feel a little more joyful.
It can be difficult sometimes to adopt a different persona at the click of a finger. So, what can we do? Let’s take confidence first. Using a conscious approach, we can simply repeat or practice something until we are comfortable. Rehearsing lines for a speech or acting role or knowing presentations inside out means we would generally feel more confident in front of others. We tend to forget that comfort comes from the predictability of repeating an action and anything new that can take us out of that state can be unnerving.
We can also force ourselves into new situations, determined to feel more confident. A useful approach here would be to visualise the person you want to be. Imagine what you would look like, how you would walk, behave, notice the expression on your face or your body language. This could just be an improved version of how you see yourself or you might use someone else as an inspiration. Now develop this even further and imagine you are that person, walking, talking and behaving just like them. In NLP (neuro linguistic programming) terms, this is called modelling. Children do this automatically; they pretend to be something they are not, usually in the form of play, taking on other roles to ‘become’ those people or things. As adults we tend to be less playful and more logical, which doesn’t always serve us so well.
What about if we decide to try out activities that we haven’t done before, such as going to dance lessons or joining a sports club? Increasing our confidence might be useful but it’s often not the whole story. We can imagine feeling confident but what happens when that doesn’t resonate? Often it might be useful to understand what makes us feel underconfident about doing those things in the first place. Is it really because the activity is new or is it something else, such as fear of judgement from others, or fear of not being as good as others? Try imagining yourself doing this activity, whatever it is and notice the feelings that come up. It’s useful here to slow down the image, sensations or sounds so that you can identify any triggers. Perhaps it’s a particular person that pops into your brain or what someone is saying. Perhaps it’s something you notice about yourself.
Fear of failure and judgement is a fear of the known, based on past experiences and the unknown, when it’s something we haven’t done before. If the assumptions about how things might turn out are based on any kind of evidence of a similar situation, we can explore how we might do things differently compared to before. If not, we can understand that our brains are simply trying to protect us from disappointment. If we understand that, a way to prepare ourselves for the new situation we are planning is to reframe our thoughts. Instead of thinking, ‘I’m not a good dancer and everyone will be looking at me’, we could think instead, ‘this is an opportunity to meet people and create a different life for me’. At the end of the day, we also have choice. If we try something and we really don’t enjoy it, we can also choose to do something else instead.
If you could imagine yourself creating the life you long for, what might you do differently to become the image of your future self that your mind has projected?