Sensus, meaning perception, is named because it is a powerful scent that matches the power we can harness from altering our perception. Some may visualise chocolate or orange or both! In a world where we are all unique, we see life through the filters we have created because of our different upbringings and experiences. As a result, we are often making assumptions and judgements of others. Understanding the world that might lie behind someone else’s facial expression (their window) can help us improve our personal and professional relationships.
As I was looking back through old family photographs, I was struck by how flat the pictures seemed and how they only really meant something to the person who was there at the time. I could guess the emotions, but I couldn’t know for sure. Pictures are a snapshot in time that help create a memory, but there is another dimension missing. Behind each and every picture is a story, a timeline, another set of memories. We see smiles, but we don’t see the pain behind, where pain exists. We don’t see the before and after (how easily children can move from laughter to having a tantrum). We see a group photo, yet we can’t see how many are still alive – we must ‘know’ that. It is even more difficult today with social media where posts ignite all sorts of polarised responses. Even seemingly innocuous videos about 5 spaniels (I love them and have one) in a row waiting in turn for their treat, provoked comments of animal cruelty such as, ‘feed your dogs, they must be starving’ in the same thread of ‘oh how sweet, they are so adorable and well trained’.
So why is it that we can see the same thing but have a completely different response? In reality, it’s our own perceptions, based on our upbringing and experiences, that drive the different reactions. Our brains filter all the information we receive from the moment we are born. So, against the backdrop of all our influences and experiences, certain beliefs and perceptions about the world form. Sometimes, it can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings. Whilst out walking, I might see someone who is extremely quiet and doesn’t lift their head when I walk past them and say hello. I might assume they are being rude and have bad manners, when, in reality, they might just be shy and uttering a simple ‘hello’ might unleash a conversation they feel unable to cope with.
To understand people better, we need to delve more into the photo album, ask questions, be curious, be less ready to talk about us and more ready to talk about them – assuming they want to, of course. This is about natural flowing conversation rather than forced, stilted sentences where it is like getting blood out of a stone.
So next time you meet someone, take a picture in your mind. Now imagine that you are wearing a pair of multi-dimensional glasses, where everyone’s backgrounds, emotions, feelings and experiences are visible in glorious technicolour. Notice how they respond to your curiosity and care. How would that change not only the way you see other people today but affect the outcome of your actions?
Another technique is to imagine you are that person. Remember the saying, ‘putting yourself in another person’s shoes’? We say it, but I’m not sure many of us have really thought about what it means. To literally be in another person’s shoes means you must see life as though you are them, through their filters. Of course, if we don’t have much information about the other person this can be difficult. However, for our loved ones we generally know enough that we can try. This can be a great technique for dealing with grumpy teenagers, or irritable partners or friends who seem distant. For all the behaviours they display there are often very good reasons for the external response we see. Being curious and empathetic opens the door into their world and enables us to shift our behaviours accordingly.